1.ARE YOU & YOUR PEOPLE PREPARED FOR THE END OF THIS LIFE?

Or, do you avoid thinking of death? Our American culture endorses the beauty and energy of youth, but fails to welcome the gift of long life or the perspective of the elderly. Ageism is real. Contemplating the end of one’s physical existence is typically discouraged quite quickly as if hope is being cast aside in that process. Sadly, ignoring our mortality means we, and those who love us, are often unprepared for the aging process and death when it comes. As a representative of Heritage of Hope, I find most people reluctant to discuss the end of this life and how we might prepare for it in God-honoring ways.

Heritage of Hope prescribes a realistic yet biblical approach. We encourage folks to live out this mortal life in full consciousness of the eternal life we have been given in Jesus Christ (John 17:3, Romans 6:23, John 3:16, John 5:24). Within the context of eternity, we are able to face the reality that our days here are numbered. You and I can then prepare ourselves and our loved ones for our eventual decline and death. How might we do that?

Why not begin talking about death, our life span, and the seasons of this life as normally as we talk about birth and the process of growing up? Why not reference our faith often enough to establish an eternal context? Within a context of our faith and hope in Jesus Christ, we can then make our final arrangements and discuss them with our family without ushering in an atmosphere of gloom and doom. On the HOPE video, Larry’s daughter shares how her children became much more comfortable discussing death and decline after they began attending the Ayers family meetings. As we communicate our plans for the end-of-this-life, loved ones will know better how to serve us as we decline and depart. Aware of our destination, they will not be without hope of seeing us again.

2. WHAT ARE FINAL ARRANGEMENTS & WHO SHOULD MAKE THEM?

Final Arrangements are the decisions that determine what takes place after you die. For example, which funeral home or organization will be called to remove your body?  Do you wish your body to be buried, cremated, or donated to medical research? Where is your funeral or memorial service to be held?

Not surprisingly, Heritage of Hope recommends that you make your own final arrangements far in advance of your death. Why? Grief can be debilitating. Consider the completion of your final arrangements to be a gift you are giving to your loved ones as did Conrad Miller. Instead of needing to rise to the challenge of making hard decisions, your people will be able to process your death and grieve as they need to do. Without such grief or time constraints, you can consider the needs of your loved ones, pray, do some research, and make wise decisions. You will also have the opportunity to do comparison “shopping” and see whose services or purposes you prefer. You know your own preferences, the needs of your loved ones, and your own budget better than anyone else. Secondly, when loved ones plan a memorial service or funeral, they tend to greatly honor the one who has just died. When you plan your own service, it is possible for you to honor the Lord and minister to your people at a time when they are inclined to listen. The music, scriptures, and photo story you choose to share can work with your written testimony to testify as to what the Lord has done for you. What an opportunity!

3. BURIAL, CREMATION, OR DONATION?

When you breathe your last, your people need to be able to call a mortuary, crematorium, or medical organization to  come and remove your body. That moment of death is not the time to be making such important and possibly costly choices. How much better for you to research your options and decide in advance if you wish your body to be (1) buried, (2) cremated, or (3) donated to medical research? These services, their locations, and prices vary a great deal. Some are local; some are national. (The organization that removes your body is the one who issues your death certificates. Your executor or trustee will need several of these;  it is better to order more than less.)

IF BURIAL IS YOUR CHOICE, then selecting a location is next. Numerous families find comfort in paying their respects by visiting the gravesites of loved ones. Military Veterans have the option of being buried with honors at a National Cemetery or a VA Grant-Funded Cemetery.  There is usually a waiting period, but it is possible to sign up in advance. These brief services are indeed honoring.

IF CREMATION IS YOUR CHOICE, consider designating what is to be done with your ashes. I know of several families who are stymied with indecision at this point. The National Cemeteries that offer burial plots to veterans and their spouses also have places for ashes to be interred.

IF YOU ARE DONATING YOUR BODY TO MEDICAL RESEARCH, there are numerous medical schools who benefit and appreciate such donations. Cremation is the ultimate result. If You Are An Organ Donor, this choice needs to be indicated on your driver’s license, and it will be necessary for you to die in a hospital.

4. FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE?

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR SERVICE TO BE HELD? Funerals, which have the casket present, are often held in the Funeral Home and in some churches as well. The presence of the casket necessitates pall bearers. Whom would you choose? Being chosen is considered an honor. Another decision to be made is whether or not to have the casket opened for viewing. Memorial services are usually held in a church. Most churches have procedures they prefer to follow and forms to fill out.

HOW SOON WOULD YOUR WANT YOUR SERVICE TO BE SCHEDULED? Consider those who live out of state as well as those who may have walked through a long illness with you. One of my pastors suggests that the grieving family attend to the burial first, and then host a memorial service for extended family and friends later. It was his observation that folks who are grieving could not really receive the condolences of others until they had laid their loved one to rest.

WHO DO YOU WISH TO CONDUCT THE SERVICE? Do you have a pastor you are particularly close to? A mentor? A lifelong prayer partner? My father requested that my two brothers and I conduct the memorial service for our mother. We did so, and to our surprise, discovered much joy in the process of sharing how her life illustrated her favorite scripture, I Corinthians 13.

WHO WILL YOU CHOOSE TO READ YOUR LIFE STORY/TESTIMONY? It seems to work well to have two folks alternate the reading. I attended one memorial service in which a video was also shown of the deceased as he clearly explained salvation. It was quite moving.

WHAT IS THE MESSAGE OF YOUR LIFE? This important question deserves much prayer and consideration. Pastor Alan Hlavka suggests that your testimony be no longer than 4 typewritten pages, double-spaced. However, it is the content that matters. Ears that have remained deaf to you may be open at this time.

WHAT MUSIC WOULD BEST EXPRESS YOUR WALK WITH THE LORD? Even the prelude sets the tone as the words to favorite hymns and worship songs run through people’s minds when they hear the music.

WHAT ITEMS WOULD YOU LIKE ON YOUR MEMORY TABLE? A thematic memory table exhibiting photos and items that tell the story of the deceased person’s life are usually of great interest. Attendees may visit this table before and after the service. What would you like on your memory table? Who would you like to set it up? My sister-in-law and I spent hours putting together a cycling slide-show illustrating my father’s life for such a table. We cried and laughed our way through the memories; it was a most helpful process. We then observed many guests stopping to enjoy our photo memories of Dad.

ATTENDEES & HELPERS: Consider your various relationships. Who has people skills, and who is a good administrator? Who will want to be included and given a job? After my maternal grandfather died, my stoic Dad expressed tremendous relief when he was asked to get my grandparents’ finances in order. He was not a “people person” but he could organize a budget! There are numerous tasks to be attended to, and some people need to help. Who would be skillful in notifying people of your death and your memorial service? Who would you like to oversee the guest book and greet attendees? Set up the memory table? Identifying the various ways people can contribute is important, but so is teamwork. No matter how simple it might be, someone needs to be in charge of the final arrangements you have planned.

MAKING YOUR FINAL ARRANGEMENTS, AND PLANNING YOUR MEMORIAL SERVICE,

WILL PREPARE YOU AND YOUR PEOPLE FOR THE END OF THIS LIFE.