What began as a Victory Garden during WWII became an escape, even a refuge, for a young mother living with her German in-laws while her husband was away at war. Because her father-in-law had a heavy German accent, he could not find work. Consequently, Leota became the breadwinner of the household, while her mother-in-law tended Leota’s two children. Surprisingly, such “teamwork” bred resentment that lasted decades and crossed generations. The novel’s title, Leota’s Garden, does not give the reader even a hint of the issues tackled within its compelling pages—PTSD, estrangement and elder neglect, ageism and euthanasia!
When an adult granddaughter visits Leota, she discovers an elderly lady with much yet to give but many unmet needs. As the story unfolds, one learns the family secrets underlying Leota’s isolation in her declining years. In the process of reconciliation, several issues confronting our older citizens are addressed: the disrespect of ageism, limitations of a fixed income, transportation needs, home repair issues, paid for homes in an older, deteriorating neighborhood, isolation and loneliness, the temptation to just give up, and the “solution” of euthanasia. Author Francine Rivers has yet again created a thought provoking read.
OUR AMERICAN CULTURE IS NOT KIND TO OR HONORING OF ITS SENIOR CITIZENS. If you think otherwise, may I suggest you browse the birthday cards in your supermarket? In contrast, I have a Korean friend who lovingly and creatively saw to her father’s care for eleven years. She stood strong and protectively against the tide of ageism to meet his needs—whether that meant driving him into the city to attend a Korean church where he was respected, advocating for him in the hospital, or assisting him around the clock when he was ill. Whatever our culture or however disagreeable our parents might become, we are all compelled by the commandment in Exodus 20:12 to honor our mother and father as did my friend Eunice.
TO VALUE THE GIFT OF LIFE, WE MUST OVERLOOK THE IRRITATIONS OF THOSE WHO POSSESS IT. I well remember poopy diapers and long nights with crying babies. Little ones with ear infections did not seem so adorable, but I remain pro-life. Similarly, I have had my share of experiences with irritating elders as humorously captured in the movie “Grumpy Old Men.” I have been falsely accused, harassed and disowned by an elder with dementia, but I am against euthanasia. If you will consider the contempt characteristically radiating from the self-important at the top of his/her game, as well as that coming from the young person who considers themselves too cool to acknowledge you, we can admit that every season of this life has its rather unpleasant, stereotypical downside. Thank God that He sent Jesus to purchase grace for all seasons and all ages.
THE AGING POPULATION SEEMS TO DIVIDE ALONG TWO PATHS. On the first path, consider those who become angry, bitter and feed the stereotype. They are always ready to complain and tell you what is wrong with their bodies and the world. One such woman joined our table at a function and regaled us with her particular infirmities while complaining about the rigors of aging. She thought she’d had enough birthdays to entitle her to complain whenever to whomever. After asking how old she was, I was sorely tempted to tell her she was 10 years younger than her audience, but I managed to resist! Such folks are feeding the negative image of old age and missing its blessings.
Folks on the other path are exemplified by former neighbors in Boise, ID. Even though Ken was wheelchair bound, they created a welcoming atmosphere in their home that impacted the entire neighborhood. Many BBQ’s were enjoyed in the Nelsons’ backyard. If a spouse turned up missing, you could usually find her having tea or coffee at the kitchen table with Dar, or find him chatting around Ken’s workbench. 4th of July fireworks showcased our neighborhood unity. At dusk their driveway would fill up with neighbors ensconced in lawn chairs. Dar kept the coffee coming. At the curb were 3 groups of fathers & sons. One group would set off their fireworks while the next group prepared. It was non-stop, fantastic fireworks for hours. Once over, all trash was put in metal cans and the street swept clean. Ken and Dar had plenty of reason to complain about his debilitating disease, but they never did. They reached out in friendship and deeply enriched our lives. This retired couple provided an example of a good old age.
THE POWER OF HONOR. Similarly, the 2008 movie Gran Torino exposes the influence of neighborhood relationships. The main character, Walt Kowalski, is not respected nor particularly cared about by his own adult children. When they visit him, they see an old man, a new widower who should move into a care facility. They do not see a Korean War veteran, a man who knows how to fix things, how to earn a living, and how to stay married for a lifetime. There is no doubt he is cantankerous and difficult, but his family misses the value of the man and his personal code of honor. Like Leota, he lives in an older, deteriorating neighborhood. Throughout the story, his Asian neighbors are troubled by gang activity. Walt intervenes several times, and his neighbors honor him in much gratitude. Their honor overwhelms his prejudices, and he reluctantly mentors their teenage son. The friendships formed lead Walt to make the ultimate sacrifice for people he initially despised. Honor is such a powerful force. How might we better employ it as did Walt’s neighbors?
Our Boise neighbors, my Korean friend and her father, as well as the fictional Leota, her granddaughter, and Walt Kowalski all enjoyed caring relationships with generations not their own. How might we do this as well? I suspect the demise of ageism begins with us.
