A not-so-empty EMPTY NEST can be chaotic, overwhelming and depressing. What do we do with a lifetime accumulation of possessions that are no longer needed? Host a garage sale? Create a man cave or a craft room? Move? Where does one begin? Is there a recommended system? I offer you 3 ways to declutter the empty nest–Swedish Death Cleaning, American Ordering, and Japanese Tidying Up. The belief systems and cultures of these three authors vary greatly, but they share the goal of an orderly and invigorating living space.
Margareta Magnusson, author of THE GENTLE ART OF SWEDISH DEATH CLEANING, observes A loved one wishes to inherit nice things from you. Not all things from you. Following this sage advice is obviously going to require some serious sorting and downsizing. Having lived in numerous countries around the world and outlived her husband, Margareta has a seasoned perspective. Her motivation for “death cleaning” is kindness to those who will inherit her belongings, but there is also an owner’s prerogative well expressed in her process. For example, she suggests a box labeled PRIVATE, THROW AWAY for letters and such you may still enjoy reading but wish to remain personal.
Magnusson characterizes herself as between the ages of 80 and 100. She also acknowledges that her pace and process is a bit slower, so she suggests you begin this death cleaning process about age 65. Part of her slowness, however, is saying good-bye to various objects. She takes the time to remember good times and consider to whom she might give her various possessions. Margareta is adamant that one do photographs last! Doesn’t this seem like more wise advice? Per Margareta, it is too easy to get bogged down and not finish once one encounters all the memories and sentiment in our photos.
Vicki Norris, author of RESTORING ORDER TO YOUR HOME claims, Making decisions is easier if you thoroughly sort your belongings. Vicki Norris is a professional organizer. This means that a process difficult and foreign to most of us is routine to her and her employees. This past weekend, I tried out her approach in our master bathroom. It works! It is radical. First, you empty the room. Yep, remove all your possessions. Second, clean the room. Deep cleaning is so much easier when a room is empty. Third, sort through all the possessions putting like items together. Relocate those things that do not belong in the room you are tackling. This sorting process naturally lends itself to discarding the broken and worn out things, eliminating duplicates, and passing on items you no longer use. How many notepads can a person use?! Finally, move your sorted possessions back into your clean, vacated room. As you do so, purposefully choose an efficient, orderly arrangement. It is at this point Vicki suggests one is best able to purchase drawer, closet, and/or office organizers because you now know your inventory. Voila!
Vicki is adamant that the very last area we should organize is the garage! It is her observation that numerous items will find their way to the garage as we empty, clean, sort, and move back into the various rooms of our homes. Vicki’s book is full of numerous helpful tips that will help us non-professionals actually downsize, organize, de-clutter, and restore order to our homes. Organizing is about making room in your life for what matters to you now—not what used to matter to you, or what might matter to you in the future (page 214). Sounds like good advice.
Marie Kondo is the author of THE LIFE-CHANGING MAGIC OF TIDYING UP: the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing. Marie’s
approach is to Start by discarding. Then organize your space, thoroughly, completely in one go. This system of tidying up is the most hurried and the most radical. It begins with discarding—deciding what you want and need. Marie calls it a “tidying marathon.” One is not to consider how to organize your space until you have completed this dramatic clean up—a once in a lifetime event. In your “tidying marathon,” all your things,—clothes, books, papers, etc.—are held up item by item and evaluated based on whether or not they spark your joy! If the item does not spark your joy, the rule is toss it! Thankfully, I have visited Japan numerous times and seen their unique beauty of simplicity. Such beauty would be undone by clutter.
Marie Kondo may not have unworn clothing in her closets, but my American heritage of make-do, wear it out, or use it up had quite a battle with her criteria of sparking my joy. I believe the only way this approach could work with the cost conscious, empty-nesters of my generation would be to have previously selected a most worthy destination for our donations. Consider our local Share House, Salvation Army, or Vietnam Veterans of America.
Similar to Margareta Magnusson, Marie advises that one tackle sentimental items last. By handling each sentimental item and deciding what to discard, you process your past. Marie believes that holding on to things reveals either anxiety about the future or a failure to deal with the past. By processing our own past, we will not so burden the next generation. What a gift we give to our loved ones and ourselves when we de-clutter and downsize!
Repeatedly, I observe how difficult it is for family members to dispose of those things that previously belonged to someone they loved. Had Mom offered her tea cup collection when she was alive, perhaps the avid coffee drinker could have said, No thanks. Once Mom has died, however, the tea set becomes entangled with the grief process. Disposing of it seems like a slight to Mom. Let’s spare our loved ones such burdens of sentiment and de-clutter our homes now. Very likely, it will be a sizeable job. Whether your natural inclinations are more Swedish, American, or Japanese, I think you will find all three books an encouragement that will help you unencumber yourself and free up the next generations.
