“THE BUCKET LIST” is a comedy-drama about two terminally ill men who meet while sharing a hospital room. Morgan Freeman plays a family man who typically put his own desires on the back burner. In contrast, Jack Nicholson’s role is that of a self-centered, wealthy health-care tycoon. As they come to terms with the end of this life, an unlikely friendship forms. The family man writes a “bucket list” but discards it in a fit of reality. The wealthy one finds the proposed bucket list and finances an adventure that impacts them and the lives of those they love. Per Scott Stuart, an HOH founder, the REAL BUCKET LIST is the Checklist found in our Heritage of Hope Workbook. There we’ve identified 22 tasks essential to finishing life well. In eleven years of ministry, we’ve found that some HOH participants find it difficult to complete these 22 items. Offered below are numerous resources to help you meet six challenges that between you and finishing your REAL BUCKET LIST.
THE CHALLENGE OF MORTALITY: Many folks don’t wish to discuss death, let alone make plans around that event. The Bible is very clear that Jesus has conquered death for us (1 Corinthians 15:55) and is preparing a place for us with Him (John 14:1-4). Even so, conversations frequently end when I attempt to explain what Heritage of Hope is about. To finish this life well, we need to accept death as a part of our future. It is easier to do that if we remember God is the One who numbers our days (Psalm 39:4) and Heaven is our destination.
RESOURCES to face mortality: Perhaps we would fear death less if we knew more about Heaven? After much biblical research, Randy Alcorn has written Heaven . Perhaps we would fear death less if we focused on our finish line? Blogs: What is Your Finish Line? For The Joy That Awaits Us. Perhaps we would fear death less if we made plans when we were young adults? Blog: Parents, Accept Death As Part of Your Future. Consider making Heritage of Hope a family affair and watching the video series with several generations.
THE CHALLENGE OF AGING is multifaceted. Growing older can bring ageism, physical and mental decline, and a new susceptibility to predators. How we handle AGEISM determines how we handle everything else in this season. In our culture, being developed in years is dreaded, denied, and even despised. Since negative attitudes tend to be self-fulfilling, please explore what scripture says about the gift of long life. PHYSICAL & MENTAL DECLINE can be slowed down noticeably by good self-care, but that does not stop it. Being good stewards of our bodies and minds requires us to plan for our eventual decline. Just as denial doesn’t keep a toddler safe in an adult-centered home, failing to plan for our decline invites disaster and crisis. Finally, there are PREDATORS who specifically target the elderly. Elder abuse or neglect, and elder fraud are realities that impact an estimated 10% of older adults. THE REAL BUCKET LIST was designed to avoid such ugly realities.
RESOURCES for aging with hope & purpose: ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENTS: Ponder the scriptures on pages 120-123 of the new Heritage of Hope Workbook to embrace long life as the gift God intended it to be. Blogs that may be helpful for an attitude adjustment: A-Z Blessings of Long Life, Attitudes to Avoid While Aging. The Retirement Reformation website offers tools to enable you to rethink, retool, and reframe retirement. WHAT CAN YOU DO NOW THAT WILL ENHANCE YOUR 2ND HALF OF LIFE? One need not wait for a crisis to prompt change. Is it time to simplify? Move closer to family or friends? Blogs: Avoidable Plagues of Old Age, and Thriving Through the Decades with Friends. Intentionality About the 2nd Half. CREATE A PLAN FOR YOUR 4TH QUARTER of life by working Pages 110-114 in the new Heritage of Hope Workbook. These pages provide questions to consider as you and your support team anticipate the changes that may come as you age.
THE CHALLENGE OF CHAOS: Are you a free spirit who has set your people up for a treasure hunt? If they will need to sort through a lifetime of accumulated junk searching for essential documents, plead guilty. Is chaos impeding the completion of your HOH Checklist?
RESOURCES to conquer chaos: Free spirit or perfectionist, finish this life well by studying how Jesus did it in John 13-17. He loved his people and prepared them for his death. Consider how your death will impact your loved ones. How can you better love them? Perhaps reviewing our video series with a small group is all the support you need. Invite a few friends or relatives to work through the HOH checklist with you. Consider establishing goals and time tables as a group. Being accountable to each other can be most effective. Three blogs you may find helpful: The Perils of Procrastination, 6 Ways to Become A Finisher, and The End of A Thing. If the chaos is localized to your finances, engage the services of a professional. If chaos dominates your entire household, love your people enough to find help.
THE CHALLENGES OF MONEY: Whether you are concerned about the cost of professional services, taxes on a sizeable estate, or how an inheritance would impact loved ones, a well thought out estate plan can mitigate many issues. Doing nothing will create problems. First, decide to whom your assets belong—you? your family? or God? This decision impacts all others. The second challenge is setting up your personal and financial affairs in an order you can explain to your executor or successor trustee. Third, find helpful professional input. The professionals on our video series give general information as do the resources listed below. For advice pertaining to your particular circumstances, you will need to do personal research as well as consult an attorney, perhaps a financial advisor or an estate planner. Be wary of those who offer free advice but are actually selling investment products. They are not impartial.
RESOURCES for wise money management:
- The Treasure Principle and Managing God’s Money by Randy Alcorn are based on biblical principles. Splitting Heirs by Ron Blue addresses the complexities of dividing one’s estate with biblical wisdom as well.
- The Heritage of Hope Workbook contains THE ESTATE INVENTORY FORM which is helpful in determining your net worth prior to visiting an attorney.
- THE LETTER OF LAST INSTRUCTIONS is designed to help you round up all important information for your Executor or Successor Trustee. The specifics of this form will vary for each user, so adjust it as needed.
- Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University is available as an online course. FPU does vet professionals while HOH does not.
- Some churches, denominations, and other non-profits like Financial Planning Ministry offer counsel or estate planning services in exchange for being named as a recipient in your will. FPM is a unique nonprofit partnership of ministries dedicated to providing individuals and families with a path to sound biblical stewardship through their estate plans.
- Counties have Law libraries which are also a resource for those willing to do some research. For example, Clark County, WA offers self-help kits especially for smaller estates.
THE CHALLENGE OF MAKING DECISIONS: As you work through the REAL BUCKET LIST, there are several options for most decisions. (A trust or just a will? Burial or cremation? What possessions need specified recipients? Who would be the best health advocate? When is it time to downsize?) Some enjoy the challenge of making decisions, but others find numerous options overwhelming. Research and prayer counter both tendencies.
RESOURCES for making decisions: The professionals on our Heritage of Hope Video Series are giving general advice. Their input may or may not apply to your circumstances. Educate yourself in general terms, then consult your own professionals when your questions are specific to your situation. Prevent the preventable by asking others to serve you and be willing to pay for professional input. You may face disagreement and opposition along the way, but remember to whom you are accountable. Consider yourself God’s steward, and own these decisions. Schedule a review and update your end of this life plans each year during tax season. Even carefully made decisions can become outdated. If you have moved, for example, has your recently purchased home been put in your trust? Have you changed states? Banks or Credit Unions?
THE CHALLENGE OF VULNERABLE LEADERSHIP: Sharing your 4th quarter game plan with your descendants is a unique challenge to one’s vulnerability. For those trained to never discuss anything personal beyond the walls of their home, hosting an HOH “family meeting” will be difficult. Perhaps your challenge is a broken, disinterested or non-functioning family? Whatever the challenge, such meetings communicate your end-of-this-life plans and announce who will be fulfilling which roles. This gives your loved ones an opportunity to react, adjust and honor you and your wishes as God commands. However much you may not want to do this, what is most loving or important—protecting yourself or your loved ones? Even if you are able to accept death, are your family members? In spite of numerous talks, Jesus’ disciples could not receive his words until after he died. You may need to exert leadership that is initially unwelcome. In the long run, your completed HOH Checklist will be a map to follow that blesses your people. Remember Ida Strickland’s praise of her parents, They taught us how to live and how to die. There was no fear as they went to the other side. This is the goal of completing your REAL BUCKET LIST. Call the meeting, so you set the tone whether it be with an individual, your inner circle, or with your entire support team. You will be vulnerable, but you are also in charge. It is the end of your life being discussed and planned for.
As you ask people to assume various roles, begin with ONE ON ONE DISCUSSIONS. All of us need a medical advocate and a back-up for that role. Rich or poor, we require an executor or trustee and a guardian for minor children. These important roles are worthy of serious discussions and legal documentation. Cultivate trust and understanding of these roles by next having MEETINGS WITH YOUR INNER CIRCLE. Although Jesus had twelve disciples, it was often only Peter, James and John with Him. All family members do not need to be in your inner circle. Eventually, however, you need to create a broader SUPPORT TEAM focused on your care and well-being at the end of this life. Your support team may be friends, family, professionals or a combination. Making your exit strategies known now eliminates guess work later. It also allows your team the time to accept your final wishes as well as the leadership roles you have delegated to your executor or successor trustee and your medical advocate. Discuss the additional roles that need to be filled, so folks are positioned to do the tasks they do well. EXPECT TO HOST REPEATED MEETINGS. Building a support team is a process best done before the chaos of a health crisis or death. There will be a variety of personalities and methods of communicating as well as differing expectations and opinions. If your family is complicated, consider meeting with each person individually before you convene them as a group. How much better for you to face these challenges and not your executor or medical advocate. Your people will have the opportunity to try and understand your choices, ask questions, and finally accept that these are your decisions to make.
RESOURCES for vulnerable but effective leadership: The following books and blogs may be helpful. The Other Talk: A Guide to Talking with Your Adult Children About the Rest of Your Life by Tim Prosch. Unlike books that help adult children thrust themselves into a decision-making role, this guide fosters a strong partnership between you and your kids. It was a rite of passage for you to have the talk with them about the “birds and the bees.” As you age, you need to have the other talk about death and dying. Have it now, not after a crisis hits. The Other Talk helps you take control of your life so when the time comes, your kids can make decisions and take actions based on what you want and need. The Last Things We Talk About: Your Guide to End of Life Transitions by Elizabeth Boatwright. Blogs: Being Mortal and What Matters. 10 Ways Your Wishes Make Death Easier on Family
The REAL BUCKET LIST requires facing one’s mortality and the aging process, dealing with the challenges of chaos and money, as well as making decisions and establishing vulnerable leadership. Heritage of Hope offers multiple resources to meet these challenges, so you may complete your REAL BUCKET LIST. Jesus offers much more. He is our finish line, our destination, our hope and salvation.
